Mostly Harmless

I had a dream this morning that left a sense of romance behind. I have a feeling when I describe it that won't make sense. What I remember is more a flash of slowed moments and that kind of winter sunlight that occurs when the sun sits lower in the sky, so bright, but calming. A white star-burst orb. I was watching and running behind two young men in the cobblestone streets of some ancient village in some preindustrial era. Very young men, maybe sixteen. Dark skin, dark hair, spring clothes, high spirits. They had a sort infectious air of joy and life about them. One of the boys was dominant, I see him better in my mind, he led, and he seemed determined in his direction, confident in his actions. I followed them to a long, thin, fenced in area full of rottweilers. It was a place that people fought dogs, specifically rottweilers. These dogs were small compared to the real animal and lacked their natural appearance of power. When I got there the main boy had killed all of the dogs already, even a puppy. I believed in him and that he was executing some justice, but seeing the puppy made me doubt a little, wonder. He was stretched out on the ground, resting and breathing deeply, arms straight behind him supporting his body, knees bent, legs apart, a relaxed position. What was also odd was when he fought with the dogs and killed them he had transformed into one, the same breed, and back to a boy again. I know he spoke with me, made it seem that this was done for me, a from of protection.

On my way to work I passed a man with two full grown rottweilers. That made me realize how small and harmless the dogs in my dream looked in comparison. I can't tell if what the boy did was wrong or a good? Even though I've never seen the movie Perfume I feel like the dream was inspired by it, that it was my Perfume. Does he execute my dirty work? What it reminds me of a little is talking about my changed perception of the world in sixth grade, how it became a dog, in a sense, to me in it's behavior. The world was a rough dog. Maybe the boy is like my brother, someone who exudes confidence but finds justice through the same actions as offenders. Maybe that dog didn't turn out to be as big and dangerous as it seemed when I was a child? Even it can be a victim.

As I have grown up, especially in recent years the people around me seemed more obviously vulnerable and even afraid than I could see as a child. I was so consumed by my own vulnerability I was blind to anyone elses. People may start out seeming so big and as I learn about them they get smaller and smaller until suddenly I can see they are human. We often walk around advertising our flaws, which people may not even notice. Or when we do we aren't seeing the person hiding behind them, seeing the true flaws. Seeing behind the mask. It is curious but I think most of us, out of fear, construct a fake flawed self based on bad characteristics we actually admire, or at least aren't afraid to be associated with or judged for. We carefully hide that little person deep inside that reflects our true self, the vulnerable self. When it comes down to it we are mostly harmless like Douglas Adams said.