This is it! My final day at the New School as a temp for Student Services. I bought pretty bright tulips for Anna. Such a small way to say thanks for the irreplaceable help that she has been to me in this position. Without Anna I would have floundered. She bought goodbye bagels for all the girls up front on Tuesday (which was the day I originally thought I was leaving). I don't really want to make something of leaving. I feel like I'd just like to say goodbye like I do after every shift and head home. Karen bought me a HUGE box of cookies, yum.
I had to replace my metrocard yesterday. So for that day I had two cards on me, a dead one and an active card. I took out, last night, the one I thought was dead; but when I ran my metro card this morning I got that unholy message "insufficient fare". I froze for a minute unsure what I wanted to do...walk back to the apartment and get the right card? That would add ten minutes at least to my commute. Or buy a single ride? It's frustrating, but I went with the single ride. Frustrating because after getting an unlimited pass I realized my next two months will probably be spent commuting in a zipcar to western NY. And then I further fail to take advantage of my unlimited pass by bringing along the dead one. Growl!
I'm a little split about how to handle after work. I need to redeposit the cash I took out for rent (because I learned the boys do it in check form and mail it) and I will have frozen veggie patties and open condiments on me and the bank closes at 6. I will be going to the bank, it's JUST around the corner from my subway stop, and the traffic could potentially be low. It was low yesterday, but it was also quite drizzly...
I want to pick up a book my father recommended by Umberto Eco, In the Name of the Rose, so I can read it to Jeff. I was originally going to read his On the Island of the Day Before, but when my father saw that on my shelf he informed me that it was the most boring book he'd ever read.
I've cleaned up my area so it looks more like it did when Thelma left. I'm debating about undoing some of the minor shifts I made to better accomodate my own frequent operations. I should put it all back how she had it.
When my life seems hectic and full of things that need to be done, pressing obligations, I tend to say in my head "work through them, get them done, it will be over and I will feel peaceful again and rest." But there are times when I realize that that day is still rather far off, far enough that I can't see it yet. And I wonder how I can slip rest and peace in little pockets to myself to pass through these phases more easily and to not become overwhelmed. A quiet voice tells me I have over committed myself, or that maybe I need to communicate better just how much time I really need to get certain things done. I suspect a better rationing of my time to the different things I have taken on would help, but I am not so good at that and have not made much of an effort in that direction. It is hard for me to be egalitarian with my projects. I tend to go off of how I feel, I work on what _feel_ like working on. (I was going to italicize the word feel but it's coming up in html format- or something- and I can see it posting just like that.) It's 4:45, so little left to my final day. What do I do!
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Living dead
Okay, I got my girlscout cookies yesterday and I have indulged. I can't stop eating! It will be very good for me not to be at a desk anymore.
I've worked myself into a bit of a state. A combination of checking craigslist for apartments and jobs. It started when I read what people had to say about what they were looking for. Arg! I come with a boyfriend. That seems to be a possible issue. Not with everyone, but it makes me long for a more private situation. My life and my expenses are at odds with each other... The strange thing is I feel a little upset with Jeff because of this and he hasn't done anything. Maybe part of it is that I have to go through this hassle at all and having an attachment is showing a side of burden. Maybe it's that speach John gave me... But the work thing is slightly divergent. It is beginning to look like the possibility of full-time work with the offices at The New School will come up in the near future. I am split, I like my work with Jonas, I like being physical and not sitting. But full-time office means a salary, stability, benefits, and qualifying for unemployment if I lose the job. Also I would hate to have a full-time position at a reception desk like this and always be on access to the public and have no private space at work.
I rode the JMZ in today. On a whim. There is a special feature to this train that attracts me, that it goes over the Williamsburg bridge and affords a spectacular view of Manhattan and Brooklyn. It was as full as I've ever seen it, morning commuters on their way to work. I felt a little sad. The Sickness unto Death. They all have it. Wake up! See! You are surrounded by so many astounding things every minute. Don't be dead... It can be oppressive at times to be surrounded by so many people who aren't really there, who are infected with incurable indifference, the very soul within them withered and gone.
I saw something beautiful, a tiny moment that will never happen again. There is an area in the Union Square subway that is slightly elevated for a stretch of 20 or 30 feet. As I was reaching the top of the elevation, just before it levels out I caught sight of a small black button on it's side rolling down the floor. I only glanced initially to register what it was and as I was turning back it struck me to watch its progress. I stepped back to the wall and saw the button continue undisturbed in the midst of the morning commuters until it was no longer visible to me. It rolled the full length of the decline and perhaps much further as it had picked up substantial momentum. As soon as I noticed that button I pictured it having just popped off of someone's coat or sweater (unnoticed) and making that perfect fall into a roll. As far as I could register from those arround me I was the only witness.
I've worked myself into a bit of a state. A combination of checking craigslist for apartments and jobs. It started when I read what people had to say about what they were looking for. Arg! I come with a boyfriend. That seems to be a possible issue. Not with everyone, but it makes me long for a more private situation. My life and my expenses are at odds with each other... The strange thing is I feel a little upset with Jeff because of this and he hasn't done anything. Maybe part of it is that I have to go through this hassle at all and having an attachment is showing a side of burden. Maybe it's that speach John gave me... But the work thing is slightly divergent. It is beginning to look like the possibility of full-time work with the offices at The New School will come up in the near future. I am split, I like my work with Jonas, I like being physical and not sitting. But full-time office means a salary, stability, benefits, and qualifying for unemployment if I lose the job. Also I would hate to have a full-time position at a reception desk like this and always be on access to the public and have no private space at work.
I rode the JMZ in today. On a whim. There is a special feature to this train that attracts me, that it goes over the Williamsburg bridge and affords a spectacular view of Manhattan and Brooklyn. It was as full as I've ever seen it, morning commuters on their way to work. I felt a little sad. The Sickness unto Death. They all have it. Wake up! See! You are surrounded by so many astounding things every minute. Don't be dead... It can be oppressive at times to be surrounded by so many people who aren't really there, who are infected with incurable indifference, the very soul within them withered and gone.
I saw something beautiful, a tiny moment that will never happen again. There is an area in the Union Square subway that is slightly elevated for a stretch of 20 or 30 feet. As I was reaching the top of the elevation, just before it levels out I caught sight of a small black button on it's side rolling down the floor. I only glanced initially to register what it was and as I was turning back it struck me to watch its progress. I stepped back to the wall and saw the button continue undisturbed in the midst of the morning commuters until it was no longer visible to me. It rolled the full length of the decline and perhaps much further as it had picked up substantial momentum. As soon as I noticed that button I pictured it having just popped off of someone's coat or sweater (unnoticed) and making that perfect fall into a roll. As far as I could register from those arround me I was the only witness.
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