I like my dashboard, I think it's pretty. I wish I could create a series of star clusters and constellations to make it even prettier, well, it's there in my imagination...

I've got rather a few conflicting emotions going on right now, although hypocrisy is dominating... This morning, I think as soon as I woke up, I was full of sadness. It's still there a little, but hypocrisy is huge right now. I don't want to work an eight hour shift, I'm wondering if that was part of the sadness this morning? There was a report on WRNR about an accident on 50 that actually covered both sides of the highway, near Baydale, my brother used to live off Baydale, they referred to it as a "rescue" something, and that just made me so sad, partly because it's so close to home, I felt like it was about someone I knew... (almost like I know the highway). Also something I read last night (crazy as it is) in a Dilbert cartoon that made me experience one of those very painful self-reflections. About cognitive dissonance, dogbert uses it to motivate employees by telling them the reality of their jobs, about being smarter than their boss and being paid less, at first they freak out and then psychologically justify why they work there, "I must love my job" and then the last panel shows them whistling with a mindless smile mumbling "I love my job". It freaked me out because I instantly suspected myself...

It's brutally cold in here today, perfect outside though, I really regret wearing a skirt, I've never been in a branch this cold. I've got my coat buttoned all the way up and I have a chill up my legs. I think I'll eat my lunch outside, this is awful.

I wish I could wear jeans at work. I hate khaki's. Dress pants feel like a bloody lie on me.I'm afraid I may have bought my little gold ballet slippers too small... I'm not sure, they've been a bit rough on my feet, but around the rim, rubbing against points on the top. I thought I'd get to show off my pretty bracelets today, but it's been too cold to take off my jacket. two and a half more hours...

Surprises

I haven't been to my own blog in a while. It's exciting to have new people leaving responses! I've been spending my free time at work learning how to wire chandeliers and researching pirate ships for an illustration. I guess I've capped out and I wanted to see my blog again, I really didn't think I'd find new comments so- Yay.

I feel like my life is in a bit of an exciting faze. I got to see Spamalot (last week?) with good friends and my father, it's been a long time since me and my dad went to a performance together. Used to do that a lot when he worked at the Navel Academy, we saw their lovely plays and ballets, I've missed that. It's funny how you stop thinking about things...

I told my friend Kurt how I stay up late regularly and he was incredulous that it didn't ware me out, I feel a bit karmic after that conversation, I've totally felt spent for the last few days, I kept having to get up early and I've been staying up too late. I'm tired, my body is tired. I'm also starting to get anxious about my time again, which is a sure sign I'm not handling it well.

But something very wonderful has happened and I wish I could share it with everyone! I've been accepted into the Maryland Registry for artists! I'm going to have a profile on their webpage. I don't know that anything will come of it, but it feels bally good. I think I'm going to try and get a job with MAP... I really think that would be a good idea for me.

I'm sitting at the short desk because all the tall ones were taken when I got back from break, I think most patrons don't think they can check out with me, they keep passing me by for taller desks. This is the kid desk, families will often request it for their kids, this way they can see. I'm at eye level right now with children. Feels funny checking out tall people. I got asked out by a somewhat creepy guy early in my shift. "hey, I'm not from here so I don't know anyone... (oh no, I see where this is going) you wanna go on a date some time?" The wierd thing is it would make sense to me if I replied "No thank you" simple and direct, but I said "No, that's alright." He's not trying to sell me a vacuum. He was a short, older rotund man who appeared to work on cars, motor oil fingers, he had a huge mass of something in his mouth when he approached me. Sigh.

I think I'll check my other friends blog, I think she probably has a lot of new stuff since I was there last.