compounded

I'm a freakin mess today. I feel so panicky. But when I regard it as being part of a purpose, a working-out I gain some acceptance of the whole matter. Even a sense of happiness. The panic I can attribute in part to hormones, they tend to highten that reaction in me. Period equals panic. Sucks. I also just feel like balling like a baby.

I think a few too many things are coming up at once. It's a bit overwhelming, I'm already overwhelmed by what's simply going on in my life right now.

The overwhelming feeling that is fueling all my other responses is that things aren't right. Which I tend to project onto my food. God, I wish I didn't do that. But I do. So breakfast wasn't right, lunch wasn't right and so I come away feeling not-right and started the same way. The oreos put me over the edge at lunch. I guess when I'm feeling sensitive it really matters what I eat. Lay off the junk... It's just that I take too long working out what's going on in me. Am I actually ill? Or is it emotional? How can you tell when they both manifest the same damn way? I can usually assume it's emotional with me because 90 percent of the time it is.

I guess the issues have all been flushed out at this point, there is no new ground to unearth so it seems to be a matter of just going through the emotions that come with it all. Ug. And it doesn't help having a cold and my nose being so sore from blowing it for days. Dried out and in pain. And the period having just started.