Dreaming Big...

So I'm diligently trying to put to practice infusing every moment with value... Starting today, starting on my way to work this evening. Just wanting to commit to it feels better, light.

Strange, and perhaps sad, things are accomplishments for me. Like fully articulating something to a stranger. I am proud of myself because I sent a man to info to see if he could get a temporary card, he is from Prince Georges county and we usually require people in MD to register for a card. What I did was make it clear to him that he could try, but they might make him sign up for a card. That is what I'm proud of. Once upon a time I would have created a state of unclarified confusion. Little tiny baby steps.

Welcome to your own moments, Sarah. Although still imperfectly I feel there. I still get disgruntled when people at work interrupt my own thought patterns or personal projects... Not fully sure what all is going on there. The cat is proverbially out of the bag. I got an email from Whitney today with the heading "Moving???" I had neglected to tell my boss that I am moving to Williamsburg Brooklyn. I haven't seen her in weeks. I was kind of keeping it to myself until I felt like it was time to say anything, still seemed a bit premature. But Ellen calling to offer me December dates was a bit of a clencher, I couldn't do it so I told her my plans.

I live with a great beast... I have since I was a child, anxiety... I wonder if I could make a children's book character out of that? I think I'll try. What does anxiety look like as a monster? Is he like my little beast? The heart.

There was a little outdoor concert here for families. I took my break out there to get a little taste of it. Kind of fun, definitely for children. They had a sound guy who was probably about my age. All out dreadlocks and a very long very scruffy goatee. I don't see that many people around here that look like that. Meaning Anne Arundel County... So white bread. I think hipsters have displaced grundgy hippies too.

I dropped a heavy block of linoleum mounted on wood on my foot. Every step I take it hurts. I thought it was going to be a huge blue bruise by now but it's still just hint of swollen blue. I bet it will be thoroughly gross tomorrow.

I'm trying to keep my thoughts in the moment. That has never been a strength of mine. I've spent my life thinking about tomorrow or next week or next month... I guess anything that can feed the anxiety. I'm not very good at being present for my own life. Especially if the present is quiet... I'm gone. It looks like I'll be spending my fourth painting my friends house... We'll see. I make that sound so sad, I don't mean it that way.

My mom sent me a very good article on the significance of dreams, but specifically of "Big" dreams which it defined as the ones that transform our lives, like dreams about loved ones that died. It was a very poignant article. Dealing with how dreams are trying to work out our waking emotions through symbol and reliving events... It was interesting to see the scientific connection, what the brain is doing, which parts of the brain are doing what, how different times of night effect the clarity of our dreams. I have noticed that I do have the most vivid dreams in early morning shortly before I wake up. The article explained that this happens because the brain is waking up. Yes, that is kind of obvious. But I don't really know if it was obvious to me with out reading it. I found it fascinating though. I get sad when I meet people who think nothing of their dreams, and I meet quite a few... I suppose most.