Ooh, I just realized I forgot to spell check that last blog, must go back and edit... Lets subtitle this "Reflections on being a consumer".
Even at someplace like a library where no money changes hands for products (fines are something totally different) we are consumers, taking advantage of a free, if temporary product and we conduct ourselves like consumers. But my reflections are about how I find this disturbing. We spend a good deal of our time in consumer mode (and when we aren't we are being observers sitting in front of something a movie screen, a tv, a stage, a game, a preacher, a speaker...). It disturbs me because I think it is a part of our identity, we have an individual identity as a consumer. We have so many expectations (and I totally include myself in this). I suppose we've been trained... We expect to be served right away, that any employee is there for our benefit and they should intrinsically put what ever they are doing aside and assist us. (again that's me too when I'm shopping.) We should be able to find what we want, it should be available in virtue of the fact that we want it... I don't know, most of my thoughts aren't very well considered, sort of bloviating.
Something that is more processed in my mind is the identity bit. I definitely don't think it is good that being a consumer is part of our identity. I wonder if carrying any expectations (aside from being respected as a human being) is right? I hope I didn't just open a pandora's box, I stumble over those fucking things all the time. Which reminds me...
This is a bummer of a transition, almost irreverent (of the subject I'm about to speak about). Last night I hit a cat on Robinson Rd, I have never (to my knowledge) hit an animal before. There is an odor of the inevitable that hangs around anything like that, someday it's doomed to happen... (when I was a kid it was barfing.) It was dark and the little cat ran right in front of my car, even hitting my breaks I couldn't stop in time. But much to my relief I didn't _run_ over the cat, it was almost miraculous, it didn't break stride and tore at the same pace into the neighborhood. I went in search of her to see if she was really okay but couldn't find her. As the whole event unfolded and I made snap decisions and came to snap conclusions, I believed, this is it, I just killed a cat, I just made roadkill. And you must understand that last sentence is said in heartbreak. I don't like seeing any animals dead on the road, especially pets. Because then on top of a horrid death there is an owner or a family that is possibly devastated by their loss. ( I don't understand how cat owners are comfortable taking that risk? An out door cat is at high risk of dying on the road.) I am so grateful that the cat lived, and as far as I can tell wasn't injured! What a thud, and then to see it still running, I thought I was going to hear it go under my tires. (fuck, I'm going to make myself cry at work...)
The other curious thing about the experience was the incredibly layered emotions that began to emerge the rest of the evening as a result. (for those of you who don't know I'm pretty crazy. And I don't think I want to share just how disturbed my psyche is by going into those layers of emotions... needless to say I was troubled and my mind generally likes to make matters worse.) I think I'm done with the crazy part, which is really amazing, I used to live there, now it's a few hours or a day and then I become rational and begin thinking about things in a healthy way. This I like.
I had an experience last summer mowing that was similar... No, I don't want to bring it up. I'll probably cry and why do that to myself?
So, everybody, I want you all to know how much I want to dress up! I've got four new dresses and I haven't been able to wear any of them out. I don't want to spend a lot of money, just go out and feel pretty. I've not been a dress girl for a long time. (Sarah, I even bought strapless dresses, two. Did I tell you in the past how dead set I was against them? I've been -what's the word when you're mind has been turned around? I love those halter top dresses!) Of course the weather has to be nice enough in the evening for me to go through with it. They are definitely spring dresses, er summer.
(I'm doing good today, I'm not irate about interruptions)
innocuous. I just want to include that word because it is very cool and it actually came up in one of my dreams the other night, in an email.
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3 comments:
sarah! wow hitting a cat, that's intense. we hit a huge female deer once. it was gigantic, and it stopped our car--that much of an impact. the deer disappeared though, it jumped away, like your cat. left the front of my mom's car crumpled, however.
anyhow, i will see you tomorrow!
Wow-total streams of consciousness.
So-I think the observing bit about TV is actually consumerism too. We consume the product of entertainment. Though, as humans (and far up on the food chain), I think being a consumer is intrinsic to our being. However, the flip side is that we are also producers/workers. I think that we need to work towards a balance of production (whether it be identifiable "work", creative beauty, etc. ) that balances our consumerism. Additionally, I think we should be ethical consumers, not mindlessly eating/drinking/wearing/buying whatever is convenient.
As for the cat...I'm very sorry. I don't think that I have ever hit an animal...although I always drive the roads arond Houghton with a certain level of temerity (is that spelled correctly) as wildlife abounds.
We definitely need to go out. strapless?? Woo-weeh!! I feel fat, though, so I may be in black. Where do you want to go? Metropolitan's?
I'll be in black too. Yes Met would be nice for a cosmopolitan. No, not really I hate Martini's.
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