So angry about something so stupid

Really, I am. Every time I think about it I growl inside. I have a friend in MD and we occasionally send each other music links to share what we're listening to. It was something he exposed about himself that I can't get over, but still why? It's like it injures me some how, but does it? Apparently one of the songs I sent involved synthetic instruments, or whatever, I couldn't even tell. And he confessed that he essentially on principle hates synthetic music. I can't get over it, I really can't. I want to write to him and reem him out about being such an ass, but I know that isn't right and it is possible to confront something I have a reaction to with out exploding on a person. It's pretentious, disliking something on principle. "I'm better than synthetic music." Or assuming that it is inherently bad. I keep thinking about instruments that are standard in pop, rock, and indie music- the electric guitar and electric piano. Those are pretty synthetic, but so pervasive they are accepted without reflection. Why am I so deeply offended? Because I think he's a fucking idiot right now, a clueless one to boot. I think it's a building problem too, he has a bad case of cluelessness, it seems to be part of what defines his personality and I'm having a hard time forgiving him for it. Which probably ties into something much more important in my life that I can't seem to address directly so he gets the brunt of all my feelings. Poor guy, just a good guy who means nobody no harm.

I'm having issues owning my time. I'm giving it away, giving myself away in the process and I'm very upset about that, but more despondent than angry, more like a sad little dog that wants to be loved so desperately she lets herself be trampled underfoot. I know what I need to do, I even see moments when I need to say something and that little dog comes up to the surface so intensely she chokes the words in my throat and I deflate overwhelmed by futility. I hate how soppy-dramatic that sounds, but how do I capture the feeling that takes over in that moment? I feel a tad deterministic about this at the moment, but it's not permanent, nothing is.

I feel like all this impetus rests on me to come through, to be reliable- but that someone in particular doesn't have to be reliable or come through ever. I want to fucking cry because it's a massive wall that won't break down. I think my only option is to start saying no a lot and building a stockade of disappointment. And that option makes me want to cry too, the fact that I'm put in this position at all makes me so upset. I ask so little and he never hesitates to ask so much of me.