random thoughts, really

The water heater's being fickle again. It always starts the same way. Whenever there's a relatively large group here someone feels compelled to close that door (the one the water heater is behind) and we don't notice until the water doesn't get hot. I need to make a fucking sign. I meant to do that after work, but I forgot and became hell bent in other directions. Mainly making my grandma's recipe for rice crispy bars, which involves peanut butter, chocolate and butterscotch. Yum! Plus I had the apartment to myself til after ten which meant I got a couple days worth of playing in. I worked on some new stuff, further into Pier Gynt and a book of popular classics with some really stunning Waltzes by Shubert. Edward Greig is interesting, his style is unlike anyone else, it is quiet, slow and at times escalating to supreme intensity, but mostly slow, and paced. But the melody is so unusual, mostly mournful, but with these peculiar arrangements that become beautiful as a whole, so beautiful, haunting.

I watched Dummy again. I think it's about all these people that live so small and make these tiny steps that feel momentous. I guess I relate to that. Someone who lives small and revels in tiny steps. I always end that movie feeling so proud of Fanny's character in particular.

I often wake up in the night and have some skewed sense about where I am, something dreamlike I guess. And the attributes of my room that constantly surround me suddenly seem foreign and indescribable, like they come from someplace I've never been and evoke mysteries I've never captured. A necklace dangling beside my bed, the wooden vines above my head covered in icicle lights. One time in particular I reached out to touch that necklace and I kept running my hands over it because I was convinced it was this incredible treasure with all these unique characteristics like something found in a dream that finally came back with me, and so I ran my hands over it, believing, until it's reality came through to me, until I truly recognized exactly what I was touching, and it was familiar, not new, not special... The high ceilings put me in an odd head space, a bit like being warped. Especially lying on my back. I think the small space of my room adds to the odd feeling, after all my room is taller than it is deep or wide. The largest area of my room is above my head, like I'm sitting in a deep box. Half expecting a large hand to reach in and pull me out. It screws with my perception in a couple ways, the positive one being the room seems more spacious because of the high ceilings, hurrah for that.

Jonus has a very warm smile, like he is deeply pleased to see who ever he's smiling at. And he is very generous with his smile.

Time for bed, after all, I probably have a cold. Sigh.