Intellectualizing

Okay, so I've been thinking about something. Maybe I explored this idea once before? It's Perhaps a little dark, or disturbing (something like that, not quite sure of the right word.) But what got me wondering was the predator-prey relationship. There is the natural (not evil) world relationship of predator animals and herbivores and then the more complicated human predator-prey relationships. Examples, I suppose, are endless, sex predators, money predators, power and fame predators, tyrants... What has been sloshing around in my mind on the fringe is do they serve a similar purpose? Keeping the cycle of life in check? Part of me says no, how can evil help establish balance, but many conversations tend quietly in that direction. With out bad is there such a thing as good, would we still appreciate the good? Yin and yang... Much of our universal view accepts that idea of evil and good balancing each other... But I'm making an accidental assumption, that the prey equates to good when it is simply neutral. The human predator is not neutral, there is an active evil. The other thing is population control, we tend to think of animal population control with indifference, the wolves are good because they help keep the deer from spiraling out of control. It's harsh, but we take a different perspective on people. Overpopulation is touchy. What is a proper way to handle human overpopulation, we are similar to animals in that we can't be expected as a majority to change our behaviors. The gov creates a limit on births allowed which causes two things to happen, first forced abortion, and then preferential choices creating lack of balance between the numbers of females to males... Overpopulation also gets me thinking about Africa and aids and the s-curve of deaths, (that lack of balance devastating lives)...

What if what happens is because we are irresponsible with our world, personal lives, other peoples lives (etc) the lack of balance we create causes other factors like predators? They are part of that out-of-balance... I guess it's not really a cause but part of the dynamic... Does that explain sociopaths and serial killers...? Something needs to make sense of that... Becoming totally out of touch with balance. I find the prospect of achieving full balance so daunting I will never attempt it, I seek balance in small ways, ways that seem psychologically achievable to me. But I don't believe that I can ever have full balance in my life, or even something very close. I don't have the discipline, desire, or will. Too much work, too much fighting.

Apparently there is a pth position open at Headquarters, processing and ordering new books, I must say it interests me. The pay is only a dollar more an hour, but I think it would be a steady schedule... less stress and I am beginning to get stressed by this position. It can't hurt to apply. I'm kind of excited, but it does mean another resume and possibly another interview, not fond of those two things. It might also end my new life of blogging, no more down time at work. (I'm sure my readership would be irreparably damaged by the loss of my writing.) But I still miss being a page, this job is too much contact with the patron world, even though I know it's been good for me, I like quiet jobs that keep me busy. I keep wondering about info... would I like it? The longing of my heart is some quiet, background job where I am left to my own devices... Of which paging was perfect but the pay atrocious.

I'm kind of chipper because I finely accomplished some of those looming projects that plague my psyche. It's such a tiny dent, but the fact that I sat down and dedicated my day to them makes me feel clean. Funny how the most morally neutral things can be associated with "clean" or "dirty" feelings. I know it's because of how we handle them that those feelings arise.

I still plan to make and cover a box tonight, and trim the matte for a couple photos. I wish I had the materials to attach wire to the back of a picture frame, I'd like the satisfaction of knowing it's completely done.

Sweet! My hold is available, so that gives me some lovely background viewing while I work. I'm being a lazy bum, I decided an hour ago that I wouldn't check the book drop before I left. Partly because I'm leaving before the branch closes and I don't feel responsible for it (but also the book drop is right next to the doors and it's feakin bitter cold outside.) I try to sneak by the door sensor so it doesn't open and blast me with cold air. It's a bit of a wind tunnel at the circ desk, two doors back to back and then us in a direct line.

It's black history appreciation month. These appreciation months always seem to slip by quietly unnoticed, sort of happening in the background, like a school program for kids and your an adult with out children; doesn't seem to effect your life. Why aren't these things more a part of our public life? No uniting element like school? But there are ways to do it, after all we all get excited about the fourth of july and new years. Mainly because it gives us a reason to party and be jubilant and see fire works... We unite around politics some times, but not so much about our history...