night thoughts

I'm not sure if I actually have much to say tonight, but I feel like writing. Not sure if I wrote about this before but I've been painting my door and just finished it tonight. Something about being done feels very good. And having everything tidied and complete looking. It's utterly girly, but quite beautiful to me. I've been surprising myself because I seem to keep getting girlier. (either I just made up my own word or I just don't know how to spell it.) I've enjoyed painting that door more than any of my illustrations. In part because it simply isn't the same level of work and in one sense it is strictly to amuse myself and have fun.

I've been working on a commissioned illustration this week and enjoying it very much too, come to think of it. Especially the frog bit. I think I need some real watercolor brushes. The one that came with my pocket sized watercolor set is amazing to use for fine lines and details, like using a pencil. I can't do that with any of the other brushes I own. It's kind of goofy taking out a pint sized travel brush that works like a travel tooth brush (in two parts) and doing a serious illustration with it. Works though, I guess that's really all that matters. I was prematurely given a check for the work, which ultimately was the stimulus to resume work on it, but I've misplaced the damn thing in my room. I can't remember at all where I put it and it will probably turn out to be someplace quite logical when it turns up.

I wish I had a digital camera. I'd put more pictures on my blog. I've been learning more about my laptop tonight, a mix of reading the manuel (that turns out to be _on_ my computer) and exploring the different applications. I set up a screen saver, at least I hope I did. It's rather exciting, I want to let my computer sit for a while just so I can see it. The cosmos, I've got a thing lately for space and the galaxy and stars and nebulas and all the rest. So beautiful. (The time on my computer doesn't seem to correspond with google time.)

I wonder if I'll ever have clear skin again? I feel like I'm going to have acne for the rest of my life. (well at least until menopause when my hormones dry up. But how much does that suck?) I wis I had beautiful skin now, I wish for all the years of my twenties I had nice skin. I'm sick of my acne. I can't seem to find just the right song and dance to get rid of it. The one thing I don't think I can do is change my diet enough to help my face. Too hard. I love sugar, and bread...

I hope I dream about nice things tonight. And not old stick shift cars that are hard to shift into gears or people from the past I don't want to see at night.

good night...