Another one of those short work shifts that I get to fill with blogging. There was a little prop plane swinging back and forth above the highway on my way to work. I know we have a couple small airports for personal planes, but it struck me that I've never seen a small plane in the air til now. The pilots movements were palyful like a child, arms outstretched running whimsically. I could see the plane almost the entire way to work. At first upclose, then more distance, but it kept this sensation in me of being there, with the plane, a travel buddy, like I was in the air too. It made my heart soar inside me, and I was happy... I began to wonder about the flyers story, is she a new pilot? Giddy and excited by the fresh discovery of flight? The gentle nature of the planes movements and aimlessness could only be a joy ride, no desination, to business being executed. A human bird who flys for no other reason than pleasure. There is a longing in me to fly, but also an intense fear of heights. I think hang-gliding would be amazing if I ever gain the courage...
Outside of that experience I have been and still am a little flustered. I feel like my life is full of unfinished priorities, I can't resolve the pressure I carry about these things I never seem to have time to complete. And on top of that when I listen to the voice inside of me to see what I want to do the same message comes back every time "I want to knit"... what can I do with that, it isn't an obligation, it fulfills no tasks, it kind of represents freedom to me I think... simply because it is so disconnected from all those inner obligations I carry. It's also easy in the sense that I don't have to think about it a whole lot, I can kind of enter a cycle.
I've become an accidental petsitter... the more I think about it the pay isn't great, and sometimes the jobs are harrowing (depending on the pets, how needy or nasty they are) but it also seems to fill in the gaps sometimes with money and I come across some really sweet animals. Right now it's Tess, a neighborhood dog and I think she is going to fit the qualifications of best possible dog for petsitting. She is sweet _and_ calm. I went over to walk her this morning and she didn't have any inclination to walk, she wanted some love. Her face reminds me of all the sad little animals in the paintings above Amelies bed. (I'm really not trying to reference that movie in all of my posts... it just keeps happening)
This is great! Blogging is the perfect filler at work. La
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3 comments:
I'm curious about your term "unfinished priorities". How are priorities unfinished? Is it an emerging priority...a progressive one? I mean, like, I have unfinished tasks and projects, which I have by neglect or purpose, deprioritized...which lay hanging about like bits of old garments, peeking out every once in a while to rear their heads and shout "can't you get one thing finished" and "stay on task", which sometimes create a sense of despair or guilt, or reticent dismay at myself. Or sometimes a sense of waste...that I waste my talents or the resources that were put into the task.
I had to go back to my blog to see my own context. What I meant then by unfinished priorities is generally the things that I'm doing for or with other people... Like the childrens book, or a frame for my brother.
These things are always visible, they sit day after day where they were when I started, almost always on hold... holding... holding...
Neglected isn't quite right, deprioritized isn't either, it's more like my life often doesn't admit time for them, or inside I am not ready.
Not emerging, not progressive, they
have been around for too long...
So "projects"? I know...we need to have project nights.
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